There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
