Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
