It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
