I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
