He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Actions speak louder than pants.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
