Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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