I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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