Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
