Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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