you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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