I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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