We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
