they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
