shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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