I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
