mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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