So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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