ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
