i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
