not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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