did you get engaged???
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
