My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
