But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
