we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
