His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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