she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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