what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ttyl tear gas
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
