I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
