as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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