my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
