Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
