I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
