I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
