Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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