Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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