How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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