Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
