dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
