I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
