Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
