I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
