I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
