I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
