so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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