He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
