I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
