Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
