I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
