Your dad touched me again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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