So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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