using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
