Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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