Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
