why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
pray to the hookup gods
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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