i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
