I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just cropdusted the office
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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