Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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