I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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