She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
