How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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