Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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