apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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