Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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