I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
