dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
