I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
