I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to align my fucking chakras
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
