i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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