I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
