Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
3pm strippers are depressing
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The power of my boobs compel you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
