Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
