Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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