why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
