I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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