the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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