And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
