So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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