Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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