I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
