I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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