our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
