tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
