I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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