people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
