blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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