I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize