If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
