I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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