is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
