We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
