I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
