I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
