I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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