nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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