He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
