I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
