watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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